How to Keep Your Man Happy

There's a lot of advice, good and bad, about keeping a man happy in a relationship. This article was written with the help of a panel of clear-thinking (sober) male judges between the ages of 21 and 30. Outside of that range, you're on your own.

1. Know when to back off. Many a wayward girlfriend assumes her affectionate attention is welcome by her man until he asks for a little space. The problem with this theory is that when a man is forced to fight for his alone time, he becomes jealously defensive of it and resents his girlfriend, this clingy wench who conspires to steal it from him at every turn. Schedule time for yourself, away from him, during peak hours (Friday and Saturday evenings, or whenever your time is most cherished). This will give your man a chance to kick back with the boys and give you an opportunity to remain your own person.

2. On that note, be sure to remain your own person. It is vital in every relationship not to define yourself in terms of your significant other. Get a few hobbies. Better yet, join a club.

3. Convey yourself to your man. Women become emotional and upset far more easily than men, and it is assumed that this is because men have fewer feelings than women. This is not so. Men have just as many feelings as women, but we convey them instantly, unfiltered and often unnoticed, as soon as they are felt. This results in the reputed insensitivity of the gender (as well as the inability of men to relate to love stories, which rely on a great deal of implied, emotions). It helps if you are the same way with your man, telling him the honest-to-goodness truth about what he says and does as it happens. Don't be aggressive or antagonistic. Observe men, watch them relate to one another, and repeat their behavior. Punch him in the arm if it comes to that. This release will make you seem far less unpredictable and moody, making you good company for most men.

4. Don't assume that doing nice things for your man, even things that are traditionally viewed as subservient, will make him view you as any less independent. This is a big one, and it is especially effective if life is starting to take its toll. If he's had a stressful week at work or a rough string of midterms, wait until he has some free time and make it nice with his favorite meal (served casually; formal dinners require effort on his part and can be a burden). If he's feeling a little down, bring him a serving of his favorite sugary snack food. If he comes home and looks absolutely ravaged, collapses on the futon and exhales deeply as though the weight of the world is on his shoulders, bring him a beer and let him tell you what's wrong. General kindness, without the requirement of reciprocation, will work wonders on a man's mood and allow him to associate the resulting happiness with none other than the caring woman who made it all possible. Most importantly, keep your good deeds varying and changing so they do not become confused for actual submission. You're doing him a favor, after all. This may not work for all kinds of men.

5. Do never lie to your guy about where you are going, or what you are thinking off. Telling a truth that hurts is so much better than a man to discover a lie - this will most probably hurt him alot, and seriously damage the relationship, especially because men by default are way more upfront with how they feel, and what they are doing.