There's a lot of advice, good and bad, about keeping a man happy in a relationship. This article was written with the help of a panel of clear-thinking (sober) male judges between the ages of 21 and 30. Outside of that range, you're on your own.
1. Know when to back off. Many a wayward girlfriend assumes her affectionate attention is welcome by her man until he asks for a little space. The problem with this theory is that when a man is forced to fight for his alone time, he becomes jealously defensive of it and resents his girlfriend, this clingy wench who conspires to steal it from him at every turn. Schedule time for yourself, away from him, during peak hours (Friday and Saturday evenings, or whenever your time is most cherished). This will give your man a chance to kick back with the boys and give you an opportunity to remain your own person.
2. On that note, be sure to remain your own person. It is vital in every relationship not to define yourself in terms of your significant other. Get a few hobbies. Better yet, join a club.
3. Convey yourself to your man. Women become emotional and upset far more easily than men, and it is assumed that this is because men have fewer feelings than women. This is not so. Men have just as many feelings as women, but we convey them instantly, unfiltered and often unnoticed, as soon as they are felt. This results in the reputed insensitivity of the gender (as well as the inability of men to relate to love stories, which rely on a great deal of implied, emotions). It helps if you are the same way with your man, telling him the honest-to-goodness truth about what he says and does as it happens. Don't be aggressive or antagonistic. Observe men, watch them relate to one another, and repeat their behavior. Punch him in the arm if it comes to that. This release will make you seem far less unpredictable and moody, making you good company for most men.
4. Don't assume that doing nice things for your man, even things that are traditionally viewed as subservient, will make him view you as any less independent. This is a big one, and it is especially effective if life is starting to take its toll. If he's had a stressful week at work or a rough string of midterms, wait until he has some free time and make it nice with his favorite meal (served casually; formal dinners require effort on his part and can be a burden). If he's feeling a little down, bring him a serving of his favorite sugary snack food. If he comes home and looks absolutely ravaged, collapses on the futon and exhales deeply as though the weight of the world is on his shoulders, bring him a beer and let him tell you what's wrong. General kindness, without the requirement of reciprocation, will work wonders on a man's mood and allow him to associate the resulting happiness with none other than the caring woman who made it all possible. Most importantly, keep your good deeds varying and changing so they do not become confused for actual submission. You're doing him a favor, after all. This may not work for all kinds of men.
5. Do never lie to your guy about where you are going, or what you are thinking off. Telling a truth that hurts is so much better than a man to discover a lie - this will most probably hurt him alot, and seriously damage the relationship, especially because men by default are way more upfront with how they feel, and what they are doing.
Monday, December 22, 2008
How to Be a Good Housewife
A housewife is a woman who enters into a mutual agreement with her husband that outlines their division of labor. Most often, the husband works during the day and earns income to financially support the family, while the wife takes on most of the non-financial responsibilities, such as maintaining the home and, if applicable, caring for the kids. It is up to the couple whether this arrangement works for them. Sometimes it's a temporary situation, such as if children are too young to go to school and the cost of daycare is greater than the woman's salary. For other couples, it may represent a commitment to traditional values. Whatever the reason, if you have chosen to be a housewife, here are some suggestions to help you flourish in this role.
Outline the expectations with your husband. The only way to be a good housewife is for you and your husband to discuss standards and expectations, and meet those expectations (provided they're realistic) as best as you can. In other words, the definition of a good housewife depends on which house you're in! Don't assume that you have the same expectations because you may find out the hard way (through arguments) that you don't. Sit down and talk it over. Ask your husband, "What are your expectations of me as a housewife?" While you're at it, discuss your expectations of him as a working husband. Does he have any responsibilities other than bringing home a paycheck? If so, what are they? For example, you may be primarily responsible for keeping the house clean, but he may be responsible for cleaning up after himself - putting his dirty laundry in the hamper, placing things where they belong after he's finished using them, emptying the trash near his desk, etc.
Take a break. A common stereotype that deters many women from the concept of being a housewife is the idea that she will have to look after the home and children twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, always cooking and cleaning. However, this doesn't have to be the case. If he gets time off from his job (evenings, weekends) so can you. Maybe he can do laundry or entertain the kids on one of his days off while you take a break to recharge your batteries, such as volunteering for a local organization, visiting a spa, or spending time with your friends. Not only will it allow you to foster your sense of individuality, but it will also allow him to see what housework or childcare is like, and he may respect you more for taking on these responsibilities through the week. If he works around the clock, or is otherwise unable to spend some time in your shoes, consider hiring a babysitter or housekeeper to take care of things while you take time off.
Be aware of what your man needs when he comes home. Some men need space when they come home from a hard day at work, so if this is how your partner is, he may want to chill out in front of the TV or to read the newspaper before talking about his day or eating dinner. Other men, however, wish to speak of their day before they relax. If this is the case, listen to what he has to say and take turns talking about how your day went. Finally, some men like to spend time with his friends for some male bonding after work. Step back and let this happen as needed. If he comes home at unpredictable times, however, this may need to be discussed so that you can make sure you have dinner together or that he doesn't wake up the children accidentally.
Have meals on the table at a regular time. One of the luxuries of being at home is that you can prepare delicious, healthy meals for yourself and your spouse. You don't have to rely on fast food and microwaved dishes. Making meals at a regular time every day gives him something to look forward to when he comes home, especially if you learn how to cook his favorite dishes. Think about it: If your roles were reversed, wouldn't the prospect of coming home to a lovingly prepared meal make your day a little easier to get through?
Take care of yourself. Maintaining your appearance, while not essential in being a housewife, does certainly help remind your husband (and yourself) that you are still a woman and not simply a housekeeper. Wear makeup, if that's your style, and clothes that can be both pretty and practical. Long, full skirts and well fitting jeans can do double duty as you go around the house doing the necessary chores while keeping you looking sharp for when your special someone comes home. Keeping your hair tucked up under a bandanna during the day and giving it a brush through with a spritz of water or hairspray can help you look nice in just minutes.
Outline the expectations with your husband. The only way to be a good housewife is for you and your husband to discuss standards and expectations, and meet those expectations (provided they're realistic) as best as you can. In other words, the definition of a good housewife depends on which house you're in! Don't assume that you have the same expectations because you may find out the hard way (through arguments) that you don't. Sit down and talk it over. Ask your husband, "What are your expectations of me as a housewife?" While you're at it, discuss your expectations of him as a working husband. Does he have any responsibilities other than bringing home a paycheck? If so, what are they? For example, you may be primarily responsible for keeping the house clean, but he may be responsible for cleaning up after himself - putting his dirty laundry in the hamper, placing things where they belong after he's finished using them, emptying the trash near his desk, etc.
Take a break. A common stereotype that deters many women from the concept of being a housewife is the idea that she will have to look after the home and children twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, always cooking and cleaning. However, this doesn't have to be the case. If he gets time off from his job (evenings, weekends) so can you. Maybe he can do laundry or entertain the kids on one of his days off while you take a break to recharge your batteries, such as volunteering for a local organization, visiting a spa, or spending time with your friends. Not only will it allow you to foster your sense of individuality, but it will also allow him to see what housework or childcare is like, and he may respect you more for taking on these responsibilities through the week. If he works around the clock, or is otherwise unable to spend some time in your shoes, consider hiring a babysitter or housekeeper to take care of things while you take time off.
Be aware of what your man needs when he comes home. Some men need space when they come home from a hard day at work, so if this is how your partner is, he may want to chill out in front of the TV or to read the newspaper before talking about his day or eating dinner. Other men, however, wish to speak of their day before they relax. If this is the case, listen to what he has to say and take turns talking about how your day went. Finally, some men like to spend time with his friends for some male bonding after work. Step back and let this happen as needed. If he comes home at unpredictable times, however, this may need to be discussed so that you can make sure you have dinner together or that he doesn't wake up the children accidentally.
Have meals on the table at a regular time. One of the luxuries of being at home is that you can prepare delicious, healthy meals for yourself and your spouse. You don't have to rely on fast food and microwaved dishes. Making meals at a regular time every day gives him something to look forward to when he comes home, especially if you learn how to cook his favorite dishes. Think about it: If your roles were reversed, wouldn't the prospect of coming home to a lovingly prepared meal make your day a little easier to get through?
Take care of yourself. Maintaining your appearance, while not essential in being a housewife, does certainly help remind your husband (and yourself) that you are still a woman and not simply a housekeeper. Wear makeup, if that's your style, and clothes that can be both pretty and practical. Long, full skirts and well fitting jeans can do double duty as you go around the house doing the necessary chores while keeping you looking sharp for when your special someone comes home. Keeping your hair tucked up under a bandanna during the day and giving it a brush through with a spritz of water or hairspray can help you look nice in just minutes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
